#i've spent so long thinking about this

[grapejuicegay]

I talked last week about how everyone freezes at the point of their lives that Kawi jumps from and stay stuck there in the future he sees (shoutout to @rocketturtle4). This week, we got confirmation through Pear and Kwan.

Kwan, who was in a no strings attached relationship with Not, knowing that he doesn't feel the same way, unable to say what she was feeling... where she stayed 12 years later up until Not and Pear's wedding.

And Pear, who was struggling with her relationship with her mother... @dribs-and-drabbles put it perfectly: "she wants to build the life for her own children that she never got herself. She wants to have the relationship her parents didn’t have, and wants to have the mother/daughter relationship she never got."

Pear, who knew how Not felt about her, who in the last timeline we saw went directly to him for what she needed when what she wanted was no longer working out for her.

And this week, within the little time Kawi spent not jumping ahead, they both got themselves unstuck. Kwan's feelings are out in the open and she has a definitive answer. Not is a terrible, terrible man, but it was a very similar conversation to the one between Pisaeng and Pear when Pisaeng finally let her down, giving her the chance to move on.

Pear, too, has finally said what she's feeling about her mother out loud

And realised it's not the best response. But with it out in the open now, she can also start to deal with it.

It's about catharsis. A good old fashioned 'let it all out and you'll feel better'. (@waitmyturtles I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole reading about Aristotelian catharsis and Hegel's preference of reconciliation and the overlap between the two to the point where I almost forgot what I wanted to say here. I'm going to leave the philosophers to you and read too deep into this episode instead - but like you mentioned here, another philosopher? potentially???)

And it's not the first time we're seeing this happen. It happens with Pisaeng.

I've been trying to figure out a way to talk about Pisaeng in episode 5 and how I don't think he went through an oh moment, but instead was making an effort to be truer to himself. He's said since the beginning

But how can he do that when he can't be open about himself, with himself, and around other people?

It's why there is so much of a focus on the "how are you feeling today?' sign and not just the rainbow flag. Because that is a question Pisaeng needs to be able to answer honestly. And when he's holding back so much of himself - largely due to his mother (see @bengiyo talk about Pisaeng's mom here) - he can't answer that question. Not until he talks to Max

Where his biggest hesitation comes when Max asks him what he shouldn't get the wrong idea about. Because Pisaeng's problem is that he can't say.

What's happening to him isn't that he's having a gay awakening - no, that happened a long time ago

What's happening to him now is that he likes someone and he's not sure when it happened. And him being unable to talk about it, being unable to let himself be in a gay club is not okay with him. Because if he can't be open with himself, how can he take care of someone else openly.

The moment he's able to say it to himself, he confesses to Kawi. And look at him at the club before and after

That's catharsis baybeeee.

And it also happens with Kawi - keeps happening with Kawi, actually. From the very beginning.

It starts with the first thing Kawi does when he sees his father again in what he thinks is a dream

He tells him he loves him (something they never used to do) and literally lets it all out, crying in his father's arms.

Kawi not being able to save his father isn't the biggest tragedy for me. Because he went back and didn't just tell his father that he loved him, he had a relationship with him. He showed him he loved him, apologised for the moments he regrets, looked out for him, made an effort to do something for him instead of just sitting there and letting him die - supported him.

It's still a tragedy, yes. But it's much less of one than we saw in the beginning.

Kawi doing things he always wanted to, just because he thinks it's a dream. That's catharsis too. Because for once he's actually letting out his thoughts and feelings.

When he calls his dad and apologises because he thinks he's a terrible person

There's a tragic sort of catharsis in there. Acknowledging what he doesn't like about himself because now he can move on from it, be a better person. And I think this scene was very carefully placed because it's immediately after this that Kawi goes and apologises to Pisaeng. It's after this that Kawi goes and begs Pear's dad for help. After this that Kawi convinces his father to be selfish for once and use his life savings for himself. (this scene should NOT have been deleted. but shoutout to @respectthepetty for finding it)

Talking about things, apologising, actually acknowledging what is wrong and making an effort to fix it, it's all catharsis. Especially for Kawi, when he spent all his time in the original timeline completely shut down, having done nothing with his life.

We even see a certain level of catharsis in Pear's mom. @dribs-and-drabbles pointed out the life and colour literally bursting out of her art. It's her expressing herself again - letting it all out - when that expression had disappeared from her life. It's a celebration where she had been struggling for so long.

And the culmination of it all so far is Kawi telling Pisaeng that he's worried about the negative effect he's having on other people's lives, for Pisaeng to come in and comfort him. Even when Kawi comes back from the last time jump, knowing he's coming back to his father's death, he comes back to Pisaeng's support.

It's about talking and letting it all out, and letting other people in.

[blood-starved-beast]

hey so i actually have a question regarding acxas childhood like what are your headcanons on it? i always got the feeling that she grew up with her non galra parent/species and was sort of treated as an outsider for being half galra (i mean naturally considering that they most likely invaded their planet but yeah of course it was a terrible experience that definitely contributed/was the main factor of acxas inner turmoil) and it would make sense as to why she would seek out lotor and his vision of the empire for acceptance there if she cant find it here(?) this is just my thoughts im curious abt what u think

In canon, we get very little of Acxa's backstory, and it's all localized to personal anecdotes by Acxa herself in the Grudge. She tells Veronica she's "born and bred in war" which is both very specific and also extraordinarily vague.

For one, we know what happens in war. I don't think Acxa was born from a loving relationship that's for sure. "Bred in" is more specific - she didn't grow up learning about war, she was in the thick of it. This is why I don't buy headcanons that put her in military school or that she was raised by her galran family. She mentions survival - which yeah in a particularly militaristic society such as the galra, death is probably very easy to come by but again it goes back to war - she's not in training for war she was in the war. This is why I suspect she grew up in a warzone. Specifically, one in immense chaos and disarray. I do think cause of her heritage - being half galra - it denied her any form of community connections that could have existed amongst her colonized people.

And that's another clue btw. Acxa identifies as galra. This is a repeated motif throughout the series. When Lotor rages about wiping out all the galra, she immediately sees that as a signal to go, cause in her mind that includes her. In contrast to Lotor, who while strongly identifying more with his Altean side, would posture himself sometimes as Galran. Acxa never is shown identifying with her non-Galran side. In the conversation with Veronica, she refers to the Galra as "her people" never one-half or anything like that.

Instead, what we get in the Grudge, is Acxa being discriminated for being Galran, not her other race. It's an interesting choice on the writers' part. That's what gets her upset. I don't think it's coincidental that in the next scene with her and Veronica, we learn of Acxa's backstory and her experience. I'd say it's deliberate. And ff that is her experience, if she grew up receiving those types of insults, well it makes sense that she takes it to heart so quickly.

Finally, we should talk about how she mentions how she "became worse than her enemies" to survive. Presumably her enemies in a warzone would be the Galra - imperialists, they also discriminate against her (Throk; the Galran obsession with racial purity). Alternatively, her enemies would be the non-galrans who discriminated against her, but I think she refers to the Galra here specifically cause she was a general she directed armies, she is complicit in the death of soldiers, of conquering nations. That is worse than what many of the Galran footsoldiers did, even if she actively avoids killing anyone directly if possible.

There is also Acxa in her discussion with Zethrid later in the episode, mentions her hate and rage and how that is fueled by how the Galra rejected her.

This, I think supports the idea that her enemies were the Galra in this case, that is, the Galra that wouldn't take her in. If she is Galra (which is something I imagine she grew up being told, told by the family she was born to through conquest), she was never apart of her non-galran people to begin with. So where she had to fight, whom she had to fight, to get a place in society is within the Galra - cause she had no chance in hell happening in her non-galran people. With that, "worse than her enemies" carries a distinct flavor of "okay so if I'm Galra, I'm going to be worse than them." Cause otherwise, she'll die. Cause she's not one of them. She'll never be one of them. So she'll be the worst of the Galra if means being at a place for change within them to accept people like her that wouldn't fit in in other places.*

And I agree anon, that Acxa sought out Lotor for acceptance in a way. Lotor was the perfect paragon of what she believed - Half-galra like her, but also distinctly Galran. It's obvious she has the bare minimum of a moral code - she draws the line at genocide (she's very nervous btw, when Lotor admits to killing Alteans, and cuts ties when he mentions doing the same or worse to the Galra)

But she didn't know about that originally.

So yeah that's a lot of buildup to say - I agree a lot with what you say anon. I do think she grew up in an environment that rejected her wholeheartedly - that would make sense, if it was her non-Galran side that under trauma, fully rejects children born from that occupation. So she identifies with the people who would "take her in" or she believes that could be changed - maybe her non-Galran side cannot be sway otherwise cause of the occupation, but the Galran can be changed. I wouldn't be surprised if thinking the Galra could be changed is a rationalization on her part even - maybe she argued with her non-galran parent, who insisted they cannot change, cause they are monsters. That Acxa herself is a monster. Which is exactly her insecurity in the Grudge. That kind of thinking can be fed only by growing up around her non-Galran heritage who were occupied by the Galra. If she can change the Galra, then she isn't a monster too, proving those people wrong.

So yes, I do agree a lot with what you say here anon, maybe some details off (I do think if she grew up with her non-Galran parent, it might be a short while or with very detached parenting, as she mentions surviving without mentioning her parents. I don't think she knew her Galran parent, which I imagine would be her father if only that a Galran female commander would get an abortion or Acxa'd been raised among the Galra, which wouldn't add up with her insecurities).

*This is so Baru Cormorant flavored. Man Acxa you should've been a protagonist in a Lesbian Space Atrocity novel.

[canarybell]

A little touch of Miles in the night

Do you think about this Michael Sheen post as often as I do?

Cause...you can see what he meant here, right? Comparing Aziraphale (especially this Aziraphale, with this boa) to Miles Maitland. Comparing two Sheens with twenty years between them.

And it's not just a boa. They are so...them. Gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Dramatic. Flamboyant. You can see this similarity in their energy in these particular moments.

And yet...is it all? Or there is something else?

Spoilers for "Bright Young Things" under the cut. tw:homophobia, just in case.

You remember what happened to Miles in the end of his storyline? To sweet, frivolous, charming Miles?

The police got Miles' letters to his ex-lover. It was 1930s, and one piece of paper with love confessions inside could lead you to prison. So he had to leave for France to avoid arrest, without even really packing his things. And it's happened just before WW2, so his further fate in soon-to-be occupied France was...unclear, let's say that.

And you know what's happening to our angel here?

He's so silly and happy. He's spending the night with a demon he just recently realized to be madly in love with. Crowley trusts him - as he showed in another round of their peculiar roleplay. He was able to be a terrible magician for one evening. This is a perfect evening, right? He's happy and is ready to share this happiness with the whole world.

There is knock in the door. In this second Aziraphale is beaming and shouts "Enter!".

The next second the door will be opened. Hell is gonna come into the dressing room. Hell that has evidence of an impossible, criminal connection. Hell, ready to trample not only over this second joy, not just this evening - but all past and possible future evenings too. Ready to destroy all of Crowley, and with him, all of Aziraphale.

All thanks to one piece of paper.

……. It was good that Aziraphale knew that trick with the photograph, wasn't it? After all, he and Crowley have nowhere to run to within the confines of Earth - the jurisdiction of Heaven and Hell is somewhat wider than that of an English court.

[boar-cry]

January – ¿Cómo te va?

(context for this under the cut)

Yay! This is another project I've been planning since last October, where I draw a piece based on a song that I associate with the twins! Tones and genres will vary (I promise not every piece will be sad 😭), and it'll be tagged as Twins, Tunes & Tonics.

I'm going for at least one song a month until December, but we'll see if I can actually keep up with this ^^;

[situationalirony13]

spoiler warning for monkey man?

i'm probably never going to be able to stop talking about monkey man but let's just start with the ending.

Characters who can't outlive their narrative destroy me. But here's the thing – I think traditionally we do a poor job conveying the point of the trope. It'll read more like this character, who's only ever wanted to accomplish one thing, dies immediately after they accomplish it – and what's left is a story with a character-sized hole in it. It feels mostly like despair and hopelessness because it feels like the character never got to experience peace. The character, so wrapped up in anger, fear, sadness, etc – never experiences just being on the other side of this chasm they built for themselves.

There's a critical difference between characters who can't outlive their narrative and characters who won't. Characters who won't outlive their narrative can still have dreams, plans – the heartbreak is real because they saw a life for themselves on the other side and they'll never get to experience it. But most of the time we treat characters who can't outlive their narrative in the same way, and filmmakers trust that we as the audience suspend our disbelief and hope for the characters to have an epilogue.

Bobby/Kid/Dev Patel never had plans for what's next. We saw barely-there flashes of who he must be outside of his avenging mission, enough to cobble together this idea that yes, he deserves so much more. But it was evident from the first second of this film that there was nothing waiting for him on the other side. Bobby/Kid/Dev Patel could have never survived the narrative. There was no reality of an after for him after he avenged his mother – no practical way for him to build a new life. But in those last seconds, when he turned to the mural depicting the carnage of Hanuman and he had the far-away thought that it was over, we saw Dev Patel channel this relief in this doomed character.

We as an audience exhale with the character, we feel the release from his duty the same way he does.

He falls, the camera follows his center of gravity, and the screen cuts to black. The narrative begins and ends with him. He begins and ends with this narrative.

[unfortunate17]

not to get fake deep at 2am, but one of the most resounding, life-changing things i learned from young royals is that it's worth it, and very much okay, to save yourself. even as early as right after S1 came out, i remember talking to friends about whether or not wille would step down, and each time our debates would circle back to the same couple of points:

- wille could become a queer king who went on to create change in the monarchy

- if wille had children, he would never allow them to go through what he went through

- wille hates being royal, but he loves his family and desperately wants them to be proud of him (especially his mother).

i was always oddly indifferent to the choice he'd make mainly because i was more interested in him actually having a choice in the first place. bur the longer i sit with the idea of abdication, the more i like it.

wille saw a life he didn't want, he saw himself becoming a person he didn't want to be, and instead of forcing himself to find the good in a bad situation....he just chooses to leave. he says "you know what this isn't my burden to bear, i didn't ask for this" and just - puts it down. he doesn't spend his life sifting through good and bad traditions and figuring out which ones he wants to pass on and which ones he wants to change - he just rips it them all to shreds and starts over because his own happiness is a priority for him.

and he saves himself from his generational trauma - not just those that might come after him. and honestly that was kind of life changing for me.

[jaguarys]

On the note of the snippet I posted. Ultimately what makes me go batshit insane about the Sith is that it's truly not about the magic of it all. It's about people being hurt and hurting others in turn.

What it is to become a Sith is to enmesh yourself, forever, in pain. It's at the very forefront of the doctrine, but even ignoring the mentality of it, on the basest level it is about physical and emotional pain. In agreeing to be an apprentice, you're agreeing to years of torture. You're agreeing to anything your master chooses to subject you to; they themselves have suffered as you have and they're chomping at the bit to inflict it upon you too. They have convinced themselves this pain has made them strong, but it has only made them vindictive.

Becoming a Sith is not about becoming powerful. It's about surviving the sheer horror of the training itself and convincing yourself survival is the same as control, that it's the same as power. It's about taking the seething, burning hatred you feel for the person who has tortured you and passing it onto your student, and repeating this for centuries. It's about licking your own wounds, not only the physical but those of centuries of disgraced Sith before you, hiding in the shadiest corners of the galaxy with no one but the person you hate most and believe you owe everything to.

The Sith are fundamentally pathetic, fundamentally impotent, fundamentally miserable, and it simply cannot be extricated from the mess of it all

[raptorrobot]

was listening to the elden ring (+sote) ost on my 8hr bus trip last night and i cannot express how terrible of an idea that was . its was all gorgeous ambience and whatnot that lulled me into a slumber of false security and then i got activated into the waking world like a fucking sleeper agent when i heard malenia's phase 2 music kick into my ears

[sysig]

An eye for a life, unquestionably worth it (Patreon)

[solaestial]

I'm glad you're evil too - Pinocchio-P

[drowxiv]

Lieutenant Part 2

[palossssssand]

Creature comforts

[mattodore]

now that the edit is done i will not be thinking abt it ever again. here’s a screenshot i took to test new world lighting. theo joy 💓

[vulpinesaint]

I really like your writing style. Do you have any literature you can share that you use as inspo?

going to start by disclaiming that from a specifically stylistic approach, i don't know if i have any writers that are distinctly similar. i do have writers that i find inspiring, though! if none of these are helpful for style, i hope they can inspire you in the same way that they make me aspire to achieve fantastic things with my writing :) i am always a poet first and foremost, whether it's poetry or prose (which is often just poetry hiding in a longer form), so most of my recommendations are poems; i have a few books at the end, though, just in case. everything that i link here should be free to access!

i am like 90% sure that anyone seeing this will already know that i keep all my poetry over at @trickstersaint, but just in case you're coming direct from a quiz, that's the place to read more of my writing! now. onto my list of a bunch of other trans poets with tumblr platforms 🖤

keaton st. james (@boykeats), i think, was the first modern poet that i really found and loved. stumbling across some of his dictionary poems as a younger poet was so revolutionary to me, and reading his poetry changed the way that i thought about and approached poetry as a whole. inspiration in the way of seeing the things that someone can do with poetry. opening up all the limits. this is what every good poem will do for you a little bit, i think, but keaton st. james is always my first recommendation for a modern poet. highly recommend his collections growth and light (i personally really love light. guy who is normal about religion voice) and rural boys watch the apocalypse is to me what that one richard siken poem about being in a car with a beautiful boy is to everyone else haha

other poets whose work i really enjoy and admire include silas denver melvin (@sweatermuppet) and dante émile (@orpheuslament)! recommending the poems an impractical marvel and dioscuri from them, respectively. sweatermuppet also has a full collection called grit, and orpheuslament has one called misplaced organs and various saints (this particular one isn't free but linking it here!) :)

my favorite poem since high school has been gravity by maura o'connor. life-changing. that poem is just like me for real.

for more of a narrative style, if you've read + liked my piece aromanticism, i definitely recommend with those we love alive by porpentine! really gorgeous twine piece with a kind of mysticism to it that could definitely tie back into the kind of stuff you'd see in my little quizzes too :)

if you're looking for actual literature-as-in-books, i can point you towards our wives under the sea by julia armfield and white is for witching by helen oyeyemi. both are novels that i've enjoyed for their kind of eclectic and poetic writing recently! i will also take any chance to recommend my favorite book, which is the hours by michael cunningham; regardless of similarity or inspiration, i find the writing of this book gorgeous and heartbreaking and i think it scrapes at the human condition in a way that draws blood. gently. if you know what i mean.

i hope this was helpful! i constantly feel as if i don't read enough poetry so if anyone has any suggestions they want to give me. i am more than happy to hear them <3 happy reading everybody!

[sugarcube-stillabookworm]

May 2034, Jamie Tartt's farewell to football and A.F.C. Richmond

"So, you know, I hope I've given half as much as I got. And we can never really know what the future will bring, can we, but there's one thing I know for certain..."

A breath in, a breath out into the trembling air, as the stadium waited in silence that felt too close to reverence. Jamie bent his head slightly, and lifted his shirt to meet his lips.

"I'm Richmond till I die."

And he kissed the badge.

[neptunym]

ms paint doodles for @post-it-notes7 's fic series, heart and soul. i highly recommend it to anyone that either likes the kirby anime or meta knight bc it's a delight to read :]